Light of my Life

Thoughts of an insomniac

Posted on: February 29, 2008

Thankfully, the kids were healthy enough to sleep through the night last night for the first time in at least a week. Unfortunately, I could not sleep. I woke up at 3:30 am and couldn’t get back to sleep until 7. There was actually something rather peaceful about it, though. It gave me some quiet time to spend in prayer, and in particular I found myself thanking God for my beautiful children. (Sometimes it is easiest to thank God for them when they’re sleeping!) Then I began to reflect on the past 4 1/2 years and how quickly they’re growing and changing.

Logan is almost 4 1/2 now. He was a rather high-needs baby who always wanted to be held, nursed almost non-stop, and would only sleep snuggled up to me where he could hear and feel my heartbeat. When Carrie came along, Logan was still nursing and co-sleeping, and by then I believed co-sleeping to be the best arrangement for our family (not least of all because it reduces the risk of SIDS when certain safety precautions are followed), so I soon had two little munchkins in the bed with me. They kept me up a lot at night. It was often hard to sleep smooshed between two squirmy, snuggly kids, especially when they both expected Mom’s Diner to be open all night (i.e., they wanted to nurse all night long). They both slept great, though!

Attachment Parenting can be a bit exhausting in the early years; but whereas I used to sometimes wonder if there was ever an end in sight, now I see that it will all end, and all too quickly at that. I believe strongly in child-led weaning, but a small part of me feared that Logan would never stop nursing on his own. Now, somehow, with just a bit of gentle encouragement from me, he has weaned at the tender age of 4 (ha ha). He stopped nursing to sleep long ago, and he now sleeps in his own bed. (Granted, it’s pushed right up next to mine, but it is only a matter of time until he moves across the room, then across the hall, then across the country? Who knows.) He’s also finally making some great progress with potty training, something else I feared might never happen.

Carrie still nurses but is becoming so independent otherwise. And as she gets older, her personality is really starting to emerge – she can really be a diva, but more often she is my little princess, just the sweetest little girl ever.

They are both growing up to be such loving, caring individuals. When they’re not at each other’s throats, they’re so sweet and polite with each other. They say “please” and “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” They hug and kiss each other and often say “I love you!” They love to play together, they share their toys and food, and they are quick to comfort each other’s “ouchies.” They both run to me and snuggle with me and give as many kisses as they ask for. How can I not treasure these moments, when I know that soon my requests for hugs and kisses will be met with rolling eyes and “Aww, Mom!

I can’t help but turn to God again, and thank Him for the wonderful, amazing gift of these two precious lives, as well as the baby we will meet one day in Heaven and the baby we have yet to meet here on earth. What do the coming years have in store for us as a family? Come August, what will Logan and Carrie think of their new little brother or sister? I can hardly wait to find out!

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About Me


I'm Erin, a 32-year-old homeschooling mother of three, doing my best to raise my children in the Catholic faith... (more)

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